I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
