I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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