Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
