What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize