yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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