So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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