I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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