Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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