He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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