Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
