Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
