in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
