john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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