If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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