speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
