Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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