We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
