great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
