Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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