i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
