That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
