pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
