fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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