yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
