K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
