Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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