Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
