you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
