Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
