Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize