My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
