you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
