Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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