You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize