She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
