so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
