party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
