im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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