I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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