marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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