Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize