Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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