How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I did not marry a roomba.
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