girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just puked most of my soul out..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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