I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
