Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
