After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In America we eat man semen.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
