Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i now understand why vodka
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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