Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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