I must be too annoying 4 u.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
