Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
