ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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