i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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