Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
