Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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