It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
