So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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