Im at strip club and am horny
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
