Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
