so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
