watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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