Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
