He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
