I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize