smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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