Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
