He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize