remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
