you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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