Porn is love you can see.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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