you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize