Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
